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>>>>idiot kid

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new lj [12 Dec 2003|09:46pm]



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when the socket's not a shock enough [12 Dec 2003|08:11pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

today was niice. i tried to stay warm and away from the starring men.
I had fun alone for one of the first times. i worked around the house, painted, wrote,drew, talked to kevin and aisha. Soaked myself with the hose and stripped for the new neighbors.
ran around the neighborhood in white(ae) undies and a pink shirt...trying to keep dry.

I was sitting in the car and my dad let me listen to elliot smith. on the main dad has never done that before. But he did. and he began talking about how "short life was" and how "when im thrirty nine sitting in the car with my daughter[or son] listening to elliot smith, ill realize how short life is." it was weird and i got freaked out. i was talking to my dad...

i remember wanting to look niice for that special someone. but ive realized nothing will happen so ive given up. its better that i i guess..right? I look shitty and i dont care. and im glad. im tired of caring. if im ugly im ugly and youll all get over it sooner or later.

i get to see aisha tomorrow. and danielle. I havent seen them in a week. I get to see anika on sunday, jess/kate on monday. and im supposed to see someone on tuesday but forgive me i dont remember who. I get to see kevin later on in the week and my grandmother on the next monday. on the twenty third i get to go ice skating and on the 29th i go snowboarding. nothing else is all the important.

16 comments|post comment

cough [10 Dec 2003|03:47pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

new sn
idiot kid
two spaces between idiot and kid.
add it or..."go home"-jen/joi

2 comments|post comment

cough [10 Dec 2003|01:24pm]
[ mood | cold ]

i havent seen anika in a while. wow do i miss that girl. but this weekend anika. me and you. no if[s] and or[s] about it.

called kevin yesterday and apologized for being an ass. There wasnt much i could do/say though so it was awkward and i just had to get off the phone and laugh at myself.
there are three more cd's by him that i want. I plan on getting them

hey. dont drink and drive. I'm not trying to be all motherly or anything. sure you wanna drink ,what the hell, who am i to stop you? but dont drink and then get behind the wheel. it just aint safe. especially if youre not only putting your life in danger but someone else's. And even if you arent driving with someone else you are putting everyone who is on the road you are, in danger. Sorry to be a loser i just wanted to say that. <3

Jen i so have NO money. i have like 25 dollars. go me? not.
oh ya. i need a code so if you have one dont be shy...holla!.
ps_i want to see a movie this weekend....someone call me

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cough [07 Dec 2003|12:06pm]
[ mood | blah ]

well..i havent had time to look at anyones lj's yet but i plan on doing it shortly because ive missed tons im sure.
I havent seen anika in forever but i better be seeing her this weekend!!
I cant wait to go snowboarding. how pimp are we gonna be?
i saw kaelan/kate/jess this week. oh how ive missed them.
went bowling with kev on friday...he know's i won. 72 to 52. wink.
went to kaelans and tried to sleep but i got attacked by the two biggest dorks in the world. niice. <3
later friday nite i decided to make a fool out of myself by getting fucked up with nat and aisha. niice. malibu rum= funny as hell. but i paid the price for having fun. i ended up calling someone and leaving the worst message in the world. if i could take it back i so would. so now for the rest of the break I have to try and avoid seeing that person because i made a complete and total ass out of myself. highfive jess. moron.

i miss stell. havent seen her in years. and ya foo's.

6 comments|post comment

hey there to all those in livejournal land [27 Nov 2003|05:28pm]
[ mood | full ]

im at my ma's so i can actually use the computer for once in my life.
this weekend should be fun-
tomorrow-anika and the bev center! oolala
saturDAY-not sure yet...but saturday evening im going to burbank to see the homie.
and sunday-melrose with jen and chanel wait. are u gonna go jen. lemme know homie.

alot has been going through my mind this week.
also i started hanging out with anika more and more. i love her oo soo much!

2 comments|post comment

hmm [21 Nov 2003|10:54am]
[ mood | dorky ]

WOAH! ok so i was just updating and then my sister says " jesse im sry" and i was like " for what?" and she was like " for touching your computer" but she was no where near my computer so i was like " its ok bear" and then i turned back around and my whole post was was freaky. but ya

so i havent been able to update since i moved. but i get to sometimes at my lover[estelle's] house. i live in my new house with my bro, my SMOOCH[jen-esty..hahaa] and a jillion spiders!!! ive seen 12 in nearly 6 days. that really says something. and they are only in MY room. thanks. and im SO afraid of spiders so that sux. ive seen two in my bed. and each time i did was at like 2 in the morning before i go to bed and so i had to sleein my chair because i was too scared to sleep in the bed.

so a few things have been bothering me in the past few days. for example:
kaelan calling me asking if im mad at him. thats weird because why would i be? oh ya thats right because some loser [who has no time for their life..only mine...] decides that they want to sign onto my sn's and yell at my friends. kaelan and that loser online got in a fight and so he thought i was mad. mad at kaelan? never! i love you kae!! so whoever keeps on signing on my too far xx gone sn needs to stop. and the same with bustarhymzN2paco. thanks losers!

and another thing...buster and z like to announce to everyone who reads lj that i am a hoe/slut and that im a speed i should be mad but if thats what they think about me then thats their opinion. i have MANY faults but being a speed head and a slut are not some of them. but its coo. all of my true friends know me and care for me so thats really all i need.

another thing that bothered me relates to the last one. i hate how ni-eve i am. thinking that everything was cool between z/buster and i, but then i finally get to go online and i find out things arent as they seem.

" out of the box!"

i miss jen!!!! and edna of course. but i could have seen edna but i was a flake and my dad doesnt like giving me rides or picking up his own daughter so that didnt happen.

where am i gonna stay this weekend? haha i have NO clue. shiot.

do the noodle dance

5 comments|post comment

so much funnn stayin in [15 Nov 2003|05:19am]
[ mood | awake ]

i stayed at esty's today. janice came over and we laughed like no other. Chris=femme. ::strum...strum:: " i play the guitar"

i ate today. i hadnt eaten since monday...nothing to eat in my house! and i am absolutely not lying. i was gonna eat with jess/kate but everytime i "get together" with them it ends up getting fucked and nothing happens. o well. maybe its a "sign". haha.

estelle's dad is hilarious. i die.

pictures with esty...yumm?

went to busters.
i really didnt want it. and you know it tasted nasty. ewwza.
estelle and i laughed for EVER.

hopefully ill see them again...tuesday?

4 comments|post comment

stop. drop. shut em down, open up shop. [10 Nov 2003|09:16pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

i moved yesterday. my house is...ok? estelle came over yesterday and we went to ventura...tried to stop by anikas but she was tired...<3 tired and tried in the same sentence oolala. esty and i watched two movies.. a few times. listened to music and unpacked ALL of my stuff. we are gonna paint this weekend i think. estelle. my dad said saturday is a good day to start everything for my room. today. went to ventura. and got a ride back. yessumss. esty went home. danielle came over. got my goodies. and gave her my shoes. now im at my moms. chillin with my baby...toi/joi. gotta call stell....

i wrote three pages about you in my that is.

i havent talked to jessica/kevin/ and kate in quite a while. why? dont ask me. ask them.

talked to kaelan today and established that he is maxin and relaxin at my house next week and that i need to see him tomorrow.

5 comments|post comment

too much? [08 Nov 2003|10:58am]
[ mood | awake ]

"I FEEL beautiful, and I know it's because I am.
And I know I'm such an amazing person, and I know I'm so gorgeous"

at least someone has the guts to say something nice about themselves. everyone is like " im so ugly and i scare people with my face and eww im nasty looking....therefore im going to post pictures of myself all over the world?"

but onto other things
i spent the night at aishas for the first time in forever. she is a skinny little vixen now!but its soo cute. i luf her. But ya. we had tons of fun we had a few people over like nick and dani and others of course. but aisha and i danced around to our loser ca songs and dani and i rapped for the world cuz we are cool. saw robbie too and laffed every five seconds i was around him. ate chips and stayed up with aisha laffing at nothing at all. we spent like an hour laughing at somethings that didnt even make sense. it was fun to just sit there and laff like no other. but it somehow turned into a real discussion and it was really serious and she let out alot [of things that ive missed so far] and i did the same for her. it got a little emotional but its all good in the hood cuz aisha and i are badass like that. muthafucka.
last nite nick and i were talking about all the people from reed and stuff like that and we were talking about a certain someone who nicole thinks is really fake and it makes me laff cuz its so true and its what ive been saying all along!

im moving tomorrow. and i have to pack a few more things. like some things under my bed im guessing. and like everything in my closet? ya. but estelle should be coming over tomorrow to help me move and maybe spend the night at my new casa.

but ya. when aisha and i were talking we were talking about how when your life is perfect its weird and kinda boring but when there is at least one dramatic thing going on its so much more interesting. but no drama is always best im sure. then we were talking about that one guy i like[d] and i realized that there HAS to be something[someone] that will get me over him. its useless and draining. It always seems like the ones we cant possibly have are the ones we yearn for. wut is that? ugh. but whatever ill just stay away from him for the break. i havent seen him in a week and a day[scary that i know how long ago?..ya]. so thats a start.

ps_ i know everyones gonna be like " you know he can see/read that right?" and i OBVIOUSLY know that im not that stupid. i just dont care ne more. its easier to care what people think about you if you dont hang out with them. so its ok. bye.
ps_#2 im talking to edna online about something/someone thats bugging us and i laff because its so true and blah.

3 comments|post comment

the eyes of a tragedy. [07 Nov 2003|12:35pm]
[ mood | confused ]

happy anniversary edna and buster

im going to aishas today. i havent seen her in forever i love/miss her too much. I need a man..haha. But not a stupid one. i want a loser..... someone like kaelan. but def not kaelan cuz he is my brother....<3

yoouuuuuu donnnttt...youuuuuu dooonnnnnt dont see me at alllllll.

edna and i are gonna have fun when she comes back from her trip. arent we edna?lol i can maybe bring stuff ..haha. and gothika loox soo good.

:::i see through it all:::

3 comments|post comment

sry that i called [05 Nov 2003|07:48pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed and passed over

you don't see me.
5 comments|post comment

songs that mean alot to me. right now. [05 Nov 2003|01:26pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back
A name in your recollection
Down among a million, say:
Difficult enough to feel a little bit
Disappointed, passed over.
When I've looked right through,
To see you naked and oblivious
and you don't see me
- - - - - - -
I'd sell
My soul
My self-esteem a dollar at a time

One chance
One kiss
One taste of you my magdalena
- - - - - - -
Just wait and see, you're everything I want
Don't take this from me
Just wait and see, you're everything I want
Don't take this from me now

And these cold winter nights, without you next to me
It feels like twenty below
Frostbite on my heart
This pain and suffering are feelings that you don't know
- - - - - - -

..think i need just one more drink
of alcohol to make this right
why think when you can drink all of your problems away
and i drink to kill brain cells that can make me feel
anything about you, so i can live without you

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everybody sing [04 Nov 2003|11:29am]

Happy Birthday Bust

ya onto other tired. and i dont know if im up for going out with jess/kevin/kaelan tonight.
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following in jessica armstrongs footsteps [03 Nov 2003|07:05pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

its a love hate thing

i hate my mother
i hate the way my family is structured
i hate the way you treat both him and I.
i hate you two together.
i hate how fake you are
i hate the fact that everyone hates u and acts otherwise
i hate that you dont see that.^^^^^^
i hate how you make me want to throw up
i hate that i cant decide whether or not its right
i hate that maybe just maybe i had a chance and you blew it for me.
i hate they way *she* resembles all the things i used to hate in my best friend
i hate how you talk to me as if i give a shit about your friends. as if i care to know their life stories or whats going on in their lives.
i hate knowing that I am a complete moron for thinking things could have been different.
I hate how i want to speak up and yet i know that if i were to ever say anything it would be the death of our friendship. so I'll stay quiet..for now.
but most of all
i hate the way you make me feel

ya well. thats me being a dork bitchy loser for now.
haha later days lovers.

2 comments|post comment

i love the way you roll excuses off the tip of your tongue. [01 Nov 2003|01:37pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

So yesterday was obviously halloween and i spent it with my lovers. saw scary movie 3 again. laughed again. [with kaelan jess kevin and ali]. drove to my house with kaelan and jess in kae's truck...ooolala. left in jess' car. picked up his..costume. Jess i know id say it but im scared now. haha. but ya it was hilarious no doubt. went to aroma for a total of five seconds. drove around stayed at kaelans without kaelan for a few hours. drove tyler home. went to jack in the crack and went home. it wasnt the BEST halloween but none the less i had tons of fun with the lovelies. going out with jess. <3
ps_ i got prank called like 2983467 times last time. children.

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tonight [30 Oct 2003|09:13pm]
[ mood | happy thanks to the song ]

im at syds with esty. had fun with the ladies.....
did...stuff. yes. we had an almighty all righty time.
kitties..drugs..and laughs.

im just gonna play the song over and over...and im not kidding. how much of a dork am i? playing the song over and over and did i say over? The first time i heard this song was with him. and the last time before tonight as well...i actually do like the song but maybe its just because he does. whatever. <3 im such a loser. o well.

estele is killing me with her eyes because of it. but she knows deep down that she knows wuts up and truly loves me like no other.

ive had a few offers for tomorrow nite. not sure which one im gonna choooose. but hmm. if anyone is doin something and wants to holla lemme know ill either be with jess or syd. so call. <3

4 comments|post comment

my kater-tots [29 Oct 2003|06:50pm]
[ mood | sad ]

so kate is leaving for the airport tonight. tear. she will be gone for a week. i saw her TWICE this week. im gonna miss her still. today i had fun with Kate...i <3 her.
kate all i have to say is
" jaunita...bring your body glitter..."

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yes. yest it would be. [28 Oct 2003|03:29pm]
[ mood | restless ]

wouldnt it be cool if i didnt like you anymore?

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think what you will... wink wink [28 Oct 2003|02:38pm]
[ mood | drained ]

Jammin on my baby at the Gspot.

mystc acid rain: Jammin on my baby at the Gspot.???wtf
mystc acid rain: ricko fuckin suaveeeee?!!
mystc acid rain: what is he fuckin talking about!

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